Managing Conflict

Managing Conflict

No matter how long you have been managing, there is a tendency to be uneasy with the amount of conflict inherent in a political bureaucratic environment.  In some bureaucracies, the nature of conflict becomes quite personal and is taken to a level that can destroy any chance of teamwork or community spirit.

When you are confronted with this type of environment, you had better have a strong sense of yourself and a great sense of your skills and strengths.  It is highly likely that the people you are dealing with in this environment are very insecure; they are only comfortable when putting others down, and place other people below themselves to ensure that they feel in control.  In this type of culture it is very hard to determine the group’s common mission or focus.  Usually the entire organization’s success is dependent upon an environment in which one-upmanship and competitive conflict are the motivating factors.  I am not suggesting that all organizations have cultures like this, but I do believe that most big companies and many small ones are made up of competitive people, and I remain amazed at the overall tendency of American culture to promote insecurity in employees.

The basic “perform or get fired” mentality tends to create an insecure senior management – and as we all know, most things travel downhill from there.  The point of this discussion is not to suggest that all America’s employees suffer from massive insecurity, but to clarify that if there are even a few such people in your working environment, it is probable that you will have some personnel conflicts.  No matter what the degree, the word “conflict” implies differences of opinion, and is a fundamental part of the management process.

There are some basic steps that, if followed, allow you the best opportunity to not only survive in an atmosphere of conflict, but break through and be consistently effective at negotiating and winning agreements.  These steps work for any negotiating you may do, and with practice, become a basic style that will work in all parts of your life.

Step 1:     Clarify what the discussion is about.

In any emotional discussion people become polarized beyond the real level of their thoughts.  How many times have you been in a conversation when somebody pushed your button and the next thing you know you’re at complete odds with them, defending a position that is not really representative of what you believe?  Your ability to stay focused on defining the key issue can save you a tremendous amount of time and emotion, and is essential in making sure the conflict is resolved.

Step 2:     Get the other person’s position out first.

There is a principle that states, “There is a small difference between being very skilled and being manipulative.”  I believe that being skilled means that in many ways you are going to manipulate the situation to your advantage.  Getting the other person’s feelings and opinions on the table first leaves you in a very important position – You will still own your position and emotions.  This allows you to be in control of the conflict and manage the resolution of the issue.  There is a second and more important concept that you must be able to handle, and that is that conflict resolution is dependent upon getting the emotions out first.  Emotional people do not agree to do anything except remain emotional.  It’s okay to leave the process stuck in emotion for as long as necessary to get the emotion out and over with – In most instances people will move through emotion by talking about it, telling somebody about it, or writing it down.  The fact that emotional people don’t make good decisions or good partners is true; make sure the emotion is on the table or you are wasting your time going on.

Step 3:     Explain your position and remove your emotion.

Much of the above conversation must be also applied to yourself.  If you are carrying a great deal of emotion and you want a solution to really work, it is important to make sure you have no hidden agendas.  Much of this discussion is dependent upon your skill level and your beliefs, trust, and respect toward the person you are dealing with.

Step 4:     Agree on something.

The turning point in any conflict is that moment when the issue is clear and the emotion is out.  At this point, people are usually ready to go forward.  The important part is to find some idea you can agree on.  It can be as simple as agreeing that you have to find some way to work together.  The thing that you agree upon is not as important as the fact that you agreed to something.  There is an old sales approach that says in order to get somebody to say yes, you start with a small agreement and continue to build a series of them until you ask for agreement on the big question.  This technique is similar to that.  Start by agreeing on something to build a base for a more lasting agreement.

Step 5:     Brainstorm possible solutions.

At this point it is time to start thinking of how the issue can be resolved.  It is important that both sides feel their offered solutions have been heard.  Even if you already have a solution to the conflict, it is very important to allow the other party to participate in deciding what the answer will be.

Step 6:     Try the agreed-upon solution for a limited time period.

Once you have discussed possible solutions, pick one.  The solution itself is not as important to the overall outcome as the process.  Don’t try to force it as “The Solution.”  The important part is to agree to try the solution for a short period of time.  You have to give trust to get trust, and it is very hard to trust a long-term solution without some time for adjustment.  People can agree and commit to short-term solutions with much greater comfort and energy than to long-term agreements.

Step 7:     What does success look like?

In reading this collection of writings, you already know my emphasis on defining a clear picture of success.  Understanding how we will know we have arrived at the end of the journey is the only way we can get there.  Choosing a solution and deciding to try it for a period of time helps, but having a clear picture of what it feels and acts like when it is working is paramount in building trust and confidence in both the conflict resolution model and in a trusting and respectful relationship.

Conflict is inherent in all organizations and relationships.  Feeling that you can control the conflicts in your life without them controlling you is a basic building block of your self-esteem.  The ability to understand the process of conflict resolution allows you to be a strong player in any environment.