Thoughts about Communication

Thoughts About Communication

In many ways all of what I’m talking about is communication.  Communication is what you say, how you say it, what you don’t say, how you don’t say it – it’s about what you look like, how you react, how you don’t react, your values, and your ability to anticipate what people are thinking or feeling – it is about being; you might say that the holistic approach to any human relationship is communication.

What I like most about being a manager is taking accountability for becoming a quality communicator.  It is a never-ending process and challenge.  I live by a simple three-step view:

If you and I have a discussion and fail to communicate, I am responsible.  It is easy to know when we have failed to communicate.  The words, “I thought we talked about this?” are the proof of poor communication.  I recognize that communication is a very difficult and time-consuming skill, and that I should not change my opinion or actions toward you if this is our first miscommunication — but I will double my efforts the next time we communicate.

The second time we misunderstand one another, we must recognize that we are starting to form a habit.  At this point we must have a serious conversation about what we are doing to create miscommunication, because the next miscommunication will be the third one and there is something about repeating a problem for the third time that is serious.  In baseball you strike out and go back to the dugout.  The third out means that your team gives up the bat.  Third-time criminal offenders are locked up for a long time.  We must respect that three times makes a habit and we all know that habits are very hard to break.

As a good communicator, you have to take responsibility for your role in the communication process.  If you are the sender, then it is your responsibility to send a clear message or picture of what you want to communicate.  As the receiver, it is your responsibility to make sure you have clarified the message, or reached mutual understanding.  If, as the sender, you don’t trust that your message has been received, then you must take on the task of ensuring mutual understanding.  This usually takes the form of a question, asking the receiver what they think they heard and what actions they plan to take.

If you have had a miscommunication with someone it may be very important to become more assertive, and take on the accountability for gaining mutual understanding.

The process of quality communication is about trust.  You cannot trust someone who you can’t communicate with – the only thing you end up trusting is the fact that you can’t trust them, and once this happens, no further communication will take place.

We spend a great deal of time talking to people trying to inform, sell, direct or convince them of our opinions and thoughts.  We do this because we live in a very verbal society.  It seems to me that most Americans are extroverted; if they are typical, they first think of themselves, and how they might make their best impression or how they might feel most comfortable.  But being a great communicator requires you to spend more time thinking about who is going to receive your message, and the best way for them to understand it.  A few rare people are able to simply ask questions and through this probing approach, have the other person discover their message.  I suggest that this is the most powerful method of developing clear communication, because it utilizes communication’s most basic truth:  it’s not as important what You think you said as what They think you said.  People act according to their own perception of truth, not yours.

Presentations are a very important means of corporate communication.  The truth is that opinions about people’s quality and ability are disproportionately related to their presentation skills.  Somebody who looks good and acts comfortable in front of crowds and delivers a quality presentation is usually thought of more highly than someone who doesn’t.

A quality presentation is based on only a couple of very basic rules.  The first is, know what you are talking about.  Knowledgeable people always have the best chance of knowing the right answers and things to say.  The second rule is even more basic than knowledge of the subject.  Tell them what you are going to tell them.  Tell them, and then tell them what you told them.  The purpose is to inform or convince somebody of something and make sure they don’t miss it.

The most valuable skill I learned in graduate school was the ability to generate a brief written communication.  I was taught that if an idea is worth talking about, I should be able to write a simple, one- to two-page document explaining the objective, who will be involved, when it should take place, what the project should be called, where I expect it to happen, and a rough idea of how I think it might be accomplished.  I have found that at least 50% of the population doesn’t really want to discuss an idea; they prefer to read about it, then spend private time thinking and reflecting on it and giving quality comments.  Bureaucratic documentation is also very valuable; every document should be dated so people know whose idea it was when it was presented.

All of this is important, but the real importance lies in getting things done in organizations, as well as taking quality communication seriously.  Once you have talked about an idea you may still not be sure what other people’s opinions are, and you will certainly be wondering if you have approval to continue executing your ideas.

The written document gives you the highest probability of success.  It is a formal proposal that can be passed on or left behind after a conversation.  It can be presented without a conversation and it serves to ensure that people are informed of actions expected to be accomplished.  But most of all it demands response.  Let’s look at possible outcomes:  A person may say they agree with what is written, and that serves as an immediate okay.  In another instance, they may not say anything, but you can start on the project knowing that you informed them and that they had a chance to object.  A third possibility is that they don’t like the idea and let you know.  That gives you the opportunity to find a strategy to overcome their objection.  Finally, they may tell you that your idea seems okay, but they would like you to change a certain part of it.  This lets you start the project, and increases their commitment to it, and in many cases, their suggestion actually prevents its failure.

I strongly suggest that if you can’t write a one-page document on the basic questions, you don’t have enough knowledge or commitment to the project to be talking about it in the first place.

Finally, I’d like to talk briefly about building intuitive communication with somebody, and the incredibly positive effect it has on the level of trust and respect between people and groups.  Intuitive communication is when you almost don’t need to say anything to someone and they know what you’re thinking.  It’s what people hope to have with someone they choose to live with.  It’s the most powerful dimension in any kind of relationship.

We are all looking to belong.  We want to be accepted and trusted, committed to a cause and to goals that we can share in-depth with other people.  We are hired by companies and not given the opportunity to choose our co-workers, yet we seek this depth of relationship.  So how do you as a manager create an environment which fosters communication that is intuitive, and builds trust and respect?  Well, much of this work is about the processes and skills required to create this environment.  I don’t believe in a basic X + Y = Intuitive Communication formula.  It’s accomplished day by day, project by project, crisis by crisis, success by success.

But I do know that the most important part is starting with great human empathy.  That means accepting that others will see the world based upon their view of it, not yours.  People need to know what you do, what you know, what your values are.  They need to know they can talk about these things – that you have made this a priority.  As a manager, you can work very hard at being a quality communicator, and create an environment and communication standards that help promote trust and respect.  You can let people know they belong by the way you treat them.  These are the basics of an atmosphere and professional culture that gives people the best chance of developing intuitive, communicative relationships.